short post

down in west palm for easter weekend. so i won’t really post much but i’m still alive and my mom did flip out about my hair but she got over it.

ciao for now

If I had a real job…

I could write my home office off as a deduction!!! http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Taxes/HomeMortgageSavings/ExtremeWriteOffs.aspx?GT1=33008#pageTopAnchor

If I am understanding this article correctly, I could write off the extra expense of having a second bedroom since I use it exclusively as a home office. I follow all of the rules. Only work related materials are stored in the room. Computer, desk, printer, paper, a tv (which helps to concentrate on my work) a desk chair, white boards which are used exclusively for work material, and so on. And I work out of this office on average 10-20 hours a week. If it is a good week I will log in about 30.

But alas I don’t have a real job. I am only writing my thesis. I highly doubt that the IRS would agree with me that thesis-zing is real work. Plus I don’t file taxes. My mom still claims me and that would defeat the purpose.

Oh well. I’ll just keep this in the back of my head for when I get a real job. I love the idea of a home office, and I know that I will definitely have one when I grow up.

Today was a good day!

I cannot find enough words in the English language (or any other for that matter) to express how great today was. I accomplished so much in the short span of 24 hours. Which is a complete turn around from the last week or so.

So what made today so great? Thanks for asking.

1. I saw my homegirl defend her thesis! She did an amazing job. She not only inspired me to do better, she also assuaged every doubt that I have been feeling over the last few weeks. I also learned a lot from her presentation. I now know what to expect from the professors and I am no longer worried.
2. I finally spoke to my committee chair and finalized my date for my thesis defense. I will defend April 15th 9am-11am! I am just too excited.
3. I worked on my historic preservation project. I have to produce a national register nomination report by the end of the semester.
   1. Some major geekdom occurred during this project. I had so much fun photographing this structure. Although I love the Greek Revival style, I figured out that the Stick Style is a close second. I am a whore for the Stick Style because of its simplicity, which is odd since I love Greek Revival for its ornate over the topness (yes I just made that word up, deal, with it, love it). The building that I am documenting is the Christian Science Society Church. I took pictures today, and it was a blast. Today was exterior photos, and tomorrow will be interior photos. I cannot wait until I can do the drawing in CAD. That’s the best part.
4. I got exercise in today. I walked home from the downtown bus station. That was a good 30 minute walk.
5. I didn’t overeat!
6. I finished almost all of my errands for the day.

I really cannot get over how quickly my life turned around. If you go back a few posts, the despair jumped off the page. And now it is all gone. I am completely relaxed. My heart rate is normal, and I am happy. Wow its been so long since I’ve been happy that I have forgotten what it feels like. That is scary business. I knew that I was unhappy, and I was trying to change it, but nothing worked. I am really disconcerted at how much other people have been affecting my life of late…
Regardless, today just rocked out loud. It is sad how simple I am, but such is my life.

Here is a picture of the exterior of the building from the road.

Maybe I missed a memo somewhere

March 14th is Steak and BJ Day.

This day is supposed to be men’s official response to Valentine’s day. The rationale being that Valentine’s Day is made up, so why not make up a day that is supposed to show men how much you really care. And showing your affection naturally takes the form of fellatio and red meat. If you ask me, both days are ridiculous and need to be removed from American culture. I wonder if other cultures go all out to celebrate Valentine’s Day? Also the men who came up with Steak and BJ Day don’t know their history. Valentine’s Day was supposed to be a day set aside for people to express their love to others in honor of the Saint Valentine. It was not intended to be a day solely to honor women, which is what the founders of Steak and BJ Day are attempting to imply.

Now what does this have to do with the stupidity of men? Well, a male friend, randomly text messaged me today that he missed Steak and BJ day (SBJ day) and that I should give him belated attention. Now he failed to realize that he didn’t give me anything for Valentine’s Day. Although our “friendship” is not necessarily one that would necessitate the celebration of Valentine’s Day; I have known him for 3 almost 4 years, and he has never made any effort to even say “happy valentine’s day” or give a gift or anything. I don’t expect that from him, because that is not the nature of our friendship. But I do expect him to realize that there is no way on the face of the earth that I would celebrate SBJ Day with him, when he didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day for me. Several reasons why: 1. SBJ Day is supposed to be a direct response to Valentine’s Day. Almost like a reward for celebrating Valentine’s Day (V Day). He didn’t celebrate V Day with me, so why in the world would I give him a reward? 2. I don’t do fellatio. 3. You don’t ask for something like that over text. 4. I don’t touch meat. Maybe I missed the memo that I am supposed to be happy that he even gave me the opportunity to suck his dick.

And who are the females who are celebrating this day? I remember a few years back when the founders were kicking this idea around trying to see if it would gain some ground with the populace. If I remember correctly it was a gag on their morning talk radio show, and people called in and gave their opinions about the feasibility of this “holiday” I had lost track of this “holiday” until idiot boy texted me today. Why are women humiliating themselves with this day?

Should SBJ be a holiday? Would you participate? Especially in the aforementioned situation? Do you think women who particpate are humilating themselves? I want to hear your comments.

Actions

In a previous post, Extra long post warning!!!, I outlined a plan for lifetime weight loss and goal management.

There were 6 goals that I wanted to achieve.

1. Watch portion sizes again
2. Limit tofu to once a day.
3. Eat more veggies.
4. Start jogging in the stadium again.
5. Play DDR at least 2x a week.
6. Make a schedule.

And as of now I have achieved 5 out of the 6. Not bad, eh?

I DDR 3 times a week (my goal was 2). I eat tofu every blue moon now, I have a variety of food options now. Same goes for the veggies. I watch my portion sizes. I’ve made a schedule and a menu. I’ve even added a goal: to walk to school/work and/or play DDR for a month straight. I am now in the 3rd week of this month and going strong. Today I walked home from downtown (about 30-45 minute walk) and I didn’t even notice it.

Seems like there are some good things.

Ciao for now

it seems like my life is broken record

“Sigh“

I am so stressed right now that I cannot even believe it. I am more stressed than when I was in Nantucket and 8 people hated and simultaneously ignored me for a few weeks. I might seem like an independent person, but when 8 people whom you work, live, eat and (supposedly) play with ignore and leave you out of festivities it takes a toll on you mentally. Now its my committee who is ignoring me and skull raping me.

Who is this committee you might ask? This panel of three people include my chair, co-chair (why do I have a co-chair when I didn’t want one) and a reader. And how are they ignoring me? Well my chair won’t return my emails, or return my thesis draft to me (she’s had it for 3 weeks including spring break). I am also not getting the support I need from my chair. I have a sneaking suspicion that she is trying to force me to graduate next fall (because she doesn’t think I’m ready). No way jose! My co-chair had my draft for 2 weeks, but only devoted 6 hours to reading my draft, and the majority of her comments focused on grammar and formatting issues. Umm FUCK grammar right now! I could care less about grammar, until I have my thoughts straight. I really don’t have any issues with my third committee member, she is actually cooperating. I guess the first two are giving me enough problems. Oh I almost forgot to mention that my co-chair is talking about me to other professors in my department, and then those people are talking to STUDENTS ABOUT ME!!! Let me repeat that: a professor is telling a colleague (who has no say in my graduation at all) that she thinks that I do not have the stones to finish my thesis (paraphrased), and then that colleague told one of my good departmental buddies what a said to b. Granted I am taking this with a grain of salt, but I’ve heard from other sources the same thing. Seriously? Did I miss something? Or was that completely unprofessional?

<Inhale> <Exhale><Inhale><Exhale>

And how is this stress taking its toll on me?

1. I can’t sleep. When I lay down at night, I worry about my thesis. I am constantly writing and revising in my head, but when I try to actually write I’m so anxious it all goes out the window. Add to everything that I am a perfectionist. Which means I’ll prefer to not do something, then try and fail. Because at least I know for a fact that I don’t have to worry about the perfection of the work, if it doesn’t exist.
2. My heart is constantly racing.
3. My stomach is in knots. It feels like a gigantic boulder took up residence at the pit of my stomach, blocking everything. This is what happened in Nantucket, I didn’t eat properly for a month; miraculously I didn’t lose any weight. I have seen it over and over again in the movies, and in books and what not, that when a person gets super stressed, they start losing weight, their hair loses its luster and/or falls out, their skin looks sallow and what not. None of that is happening to me (nor do I want it to), except for the stomach thing. Last week I purchased Vegan With A Vengeance by Isa Moskowitz phenomenal cookbook, even if you aren’t vegan (which I’m not). And I made my menu for this week, and then I went to the grocery store to procure all of the needed ingredients. I was so excited. I could not wait for today to come. I planned the breakfast meals for today, tomorrow and Wednesday’s and I was just so ready to cook and consume my goodies. There were going to be Breakfast Burritos (with eggs scrambled with scallions, swiss, tomato, mushrooms, and bell peppers), a glass of orange juice, and a cup of coffee (with almond milk and 2 tablespoons of sugar). I went to bed last night around midnight, and I tossed and turned until 1am or so. And I woke up at 8:20am 10 minutes before my alarm went off. Breakfast was out of the question. My stomach forbade it. Well at least the breakfast I planned. I knew I had to eat something, or I would die of starvation later during the day (see snackys are my savior post). So I forced down a cup of cereal and some almond milk, oj, and a banana. But not the coffee. Which let me know that I was not feeling well. I LOVE coffee! If I could marry it, I would. Hyperbole I know but you get my point.
4. My brother is acting like an idiot. I got a cell phone for him in my name, and he got upset with me today because I asked him if he was making payments on it? Hello that’s my credit not yours.
5. My frienmeies are acting up again. One girl yelled at me because I decided not to come home for spring break and gasp I dared not to call her and inform her of my change of plans. So I hung up on her. No one talks to me like that. O no! She’s mad at me now. I’m mad at the audacity of her! My other so called friend, “forgot” to pick me up for a function, which he volunteered to squire me to. You can’t forget someone, if they call you 4 times! And when he confronted me about it, I told him that I wasn’t mad at him (which was a lie, but I refused to yell at someone about some b.s. like that) but I refused to get in the car with him. This is the same frienemy that thinks we should only do what he wants and go where he wants to.
6. I am flat broke. And I was invited out for Saint Patrick’s Day with some cool people from the department (well at least when they want to be). But no, can’t go because no dineros in el banco. Oh and I had to cancel on Carrabas with another good friend. That devastated me. I love that place.
7. I had an anxiety dream a few days ago about moving back home. On one hand moving back home would allow me to pay back my student loans quicker (no rent), on the other hand I will have to move back into a room, and have to deal with my mom, her new husband, my brother and my little cousin. All of this after years of living alone. Although Christmas Break wasn’t too bad (until I cursed my brother out like a dirty dog).

Right now I feel like life has taken a huge dump down my throat. And I thought I could hide my feelings, apparently such is not the case. One of my department friends saw me this morning, and asked me if I needed a hug. I looked super sad, is what she said. So she invited me out to lunch, and I was getting ready to cancel on her, because I am broke (see number 6), but God was looking out for me and she spotted me for lunch.

I am trying to look on the bright side of things. Because I did get a good internship for the summer. I will be working in Charlotte County. Expanding my planning expertise. I got to talk to my mom today. First time in a long time too where I didn’t call her to beg for money (I feel like such an ass when I do that).

Frankly I am tired of this. It feels like I have been living the same nightmare for the few months. Something has to give.

longing

I miss bacon.

It saddens me that I most likely won’t ever taste bacon again. After 23 years of eating meat, the only thing I miss is bacon.

Isn’t that weird. Bacon has the most awesome flavor (salty greasy smoky crunchy goodness) that I shall never have again.

I miss it, but I have made my peace with it. And I do have some things to tide me over, like my fake bacon, or as I like to call it, fakon! Ha I made a funny.

meat is murder, tasty tasty murder

As some of you may know, I’ve been meat free for a year and some months. My veggie-versary was Feburary. Happy veggie-versary to me. I love being meat free, and for the most part being meat-free has been good to me. My cholesterol levels are super low! I mean like waaaaay low! Yet meat free living makes for some embarrassing lunch/dinner outings with friends (breakfast isn’t that bad because I love pancakes and eggs-I’m not vegan but I do miss bacon ). Let’s face it, we live in a meat eating world, and there are very few restaurants that are sensitive to vegetarians (and let’s not even mention vegans-whom I feel very sorry for). Salads and portobella burgers don’t count. If I never eat another salad it would be too soon. I spent a summer in Nantucket, and I had a hell of a time trying to eat healthy and meat free, and many times I simply caved in and ate salads.
The impetus for this story comes from yesterday’s lunch outing with a good friend. We spent 2 hours trying to find a resturant that would appease both of our dietary needs (she wanted a steak and I wanted a veggie friendly entree’). Two frigging hours! Seriously though why is it so hard for restaurants to have veggie friendly fare? All I wanted yesterday was a hot plate of pasta, with a vodka tomato sauce and some crunchy slightly sauteed veggies on top. But nooooo I ended up eating a very heavy veggie burger. While it was tasty, it was not what I wanted. And I felt so embarrassed, so so so embarrassed. It felt like I was insulting the restaurants by daring to ask for something that was not on their menu. When on the other hand the resturant managers should be embarrassed for not caring about their veggie loving (potential) customers. But on the other hand these were chain restaurants that we were attempting to patronize so I really don’t feel that bad. But in the heat of the moment I felt like shit. I ask, “how hard is it to have a menu that has at least 20 percent of its offerings that are meat free?” Offerings that are not salads, or veggie burgers, or portobella burgers. Veggies are very good, especially fresh and sauteed in a little butter or olive oil and placed on a pile of pasta or rice. Mmmm, I’m making myself hungry. And these veggie heavy entrees are easier for the chef’s to prepare, almost little to no seasoning (you want the flavor of the veggies to shine through) and pasta. Oooo that’s sooo hard. As if.

When I first made the transition, I stopped eating out over night. But that is no way to live in the States. Food is social, and one’s social life revolves around food (which also makes it hard to diet in the states). So I miss out on a lot of social outings, unless I take one for the team and force down a salad or a veggie burger, with a smile. Because no one likes a complaining finicky eater. I sure know that I don’t, which is why for the first 6 months of my veggie life, I didn’t make a big fuss about being a veg head. I just sucked it up, and which is why I was really sick (there aren’t that many vitamins in lettuce).

That’s it!!! I am starting a petition right now for all chain restaurants to change their menus! If New York could make the fast food behemoths fry without using trans fats then we can make chain restaurants.

Petition for Chain Restaurants to Offer Menus With 20 Percent of All Entrees Be Veggie Friendly

1. [initials]