I need to update more. Hence the catchy title of this here post, since every blog I frequent runs into this issue. Apologies abound.
I went home 2 weeks in a row, the first visit was completely horrible. I fought with my brother and my mother, and generally made an ass of myself. Plus I spent about 75% of the weekend in bed. Sometimes I wonder why I even go home. Then I went home last weekend for mother’s day. I actually got to spend some quality time with my mom, although 90% of the time we worked on her wedding. Whatever, we spent time together, no complaining about the activities we did. But several breakthroughs occurred: I realized that I can get along with my family if I just swallow my tounge and enjoy a nice, steaming cup of STFU, I actually talked to my mom about my life, my level of respect and awe for her increased tenfold, and I re-learned the lesson that I don’t have to take shit from strangers in my life (a stranger being any person who is not family).
I love my mom and brother, but in order to keep the peace I have to just let them do whatever the fuck they like even if it completely demoralizes, embarrasses, and/or hurts me. That sucks. But its the only way to enjoy their company. Any other person, no. But I only get one ma, and one baby bro. So suck it up beeyotich!!!
Mom and I never have substantial conversations, because I alway hold back parts of my life. There are generally three major components that make up my waking life: thesis, work, and stupid people (which includes stupid men). I hate talking about thesis and work all the time, and apparently my friends hate it as well, but these were the safe topics with mom, she wouldn’t think that I was stupid or a whore if she didn’t know what I was dealing with. But I decided that if I want mom to love me, she has to know about all of me. Even though I was completely afraid that she would retract her love from me, I told her almost everything about the stupid men and stupid people I have been dealing with for the last few weeks. Contrary to my beliefs, she didn’t call me an idiot, nor retract her love from me, rather she gave me some great insight about how to deal with it and support. Which dovetails into my other point about my admiration and respect increasing exponentially for ma. Little anecdote: we were going into walgreens to get me a bite to eat and some cash before I got on the train back to good ole gville, when we saw several school aged children hanging outside. Normally that is not a cause to pause, but it was 12 noon, on a Monday. I causally mentioned that if I were those kids I’d be afraid of the truant officer. Ma didn’t say anything, we just walked into walgreens and I thought the issue was over. But next thing I know, she turns around and goes to talk to the students, and asks them why they are not in school, whether they are concerned about the truant officer and so on. That little incident almost brought tears to my eyes. My mom showed some mettle and talked to those kids, anybody else would have been scared shitless of 6 elementary to middle school aged black kids hanging outside a store like that, but not my ma! Add to that the way she interacts with the children she teaches! I know that simple act had a major impact on those kids lives (someone cared enough to ask!), and she might have turned 1 or 2 of their lives around. Dang that was so sincere!!!
I met an 83 year old active member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated. I want to be just like her when I grow up. Plus she told me that I am going to be a Delta one day! W00!!! Such a dream for me, I’ve always wanted to rock red and crimson and throw up the pyramid.
I almost got into a fight with a hoodrat concerning my pink hair. This was about 2 weeks ago. Again I was in walgreens, but this time I was with my aunt and cousin (who is about 13, or 14). There were two hoodrats about 3 customers behind us in line, we shall call them Hoodrat A and Hoodrat B for the sake of simplicity. Apparently my cousin has her hair done from time to time, by Hoodrat A’s mom. No issh, so my cousin waved and, the trick acted like she didn’t want to speak to my cousin. So I leaned over to her and told her not to deal with that trick ever again in life. But wait, that’s not where the story ends. Hoodrat B, was staring at me the ENTIRE time she was behind us in line. I don’t know what overcame me, but I got real stank and said hello in a nasty way, i.e. bitch why you staring at me like I owe you money or something. So we exchange a few words, but my aunt was all like “don’t make me go get a tire iron” but then she said calm down, you don’t have to stoop to the level of hoodrattery. Ugh. I can only assume that Hoodrat B was insulted that I would have the audacity to wear my hair how I wanted to, without succumbing to society’s norms of fashion and beauty. But this incident was one of the reasons I was convinced that it was time to redye my hair. Too much negative attention. Although I am one of the biggest subscribers to the “who gives a flying fuck what others’”think paradigm, yet there was way, way, way, waaaaaay, way, did I say way?, too much negative attention for me to deal with. It was only a matter of time before I came to blows with an idiot re: my hair. Because I’m an asshole, I don’t bite my tounge, and I don’t care where I am, if I catch you staring I’ll call you out. Which is why I don’t need to draw any extra negative attention to myself. Although it was mad fun to have pink hair, the color looked great on my skin tone, and I got loads of positive attention it was time to let it go. The negative outweighed the bad. Plus, my mom’s wedding is in a matter of days, I could never recreate that exact same hair color without even more damage to my coiff, and I need to get a job pretty soon. So all of these factors combined to convince me to redye my hair, earlier than I planned.
